Well now I think it has been quite long enough since I posted a journal on here. To tell you the truth I kind of just forgot about my art for a while... Even while in ART school I have really just been doing what is needed to get by... that is I was up until about a few days ago when I drew something on my own accord for once in who knows how long. And what is this it was a boy. A boy I know! Rare I know. I really do hate drawing people I know but this was a special case I was bored in class and it just kind of happened. I will post it as soon as it is done. I am really going all out with it.

On more personal notes. A lot has happened.... Most of you on here know me and know the details so I am not really going to go into it. no point. BUT what I will say is I am have come to the point of not caring about the past anymore... The only times that it at all seems to bother me is when I come face to face with it... quite literally. But that is life as they say. Your past never really goes away and all you can do is deal and not let it bother you so much. I have a lack of friends in the sense that I had before... but it doesn't mean a lack of people around me I just don't care to trust anyone enough to call them true friends. This way I can help them with their problems and not care to share mine or feel bad when they don't help me with mine, and I don't get disappointed when I get ditched anymore. People come and go it is a fact of life so why bother to get in too deep... It seems like a pessimistic outlook but really it isn't. This way I am free to help as many people as I can and I don't have the downtime of painful emotion. Because I have realized I really can fix my own problems I have overcome more than most people ever will or ever should and so really I feel my obligation is to try and help people who haven't learned to deal with things on their own.

On the relationship front I do have a boy that I have been interested in and we get along swimmingly but after being with him for a while and having already told him I would be ready for something more now I am waiting for him to be ready... only problem is I am seeing him less and less and someone I would date anymore and more and more as a friend... and I really don't much care for most gay men anymore. Hypocritical I know but I am not saying I hate them or anything it just seems like they have one tract minds and kind of just swing from person to person and I don't much care to be a part of that. So for now it is like I am waiting for someone to show me they are worth my time effort and love. Another realization of this matter is that I am probably going to remain out of a relationship so long as I remain in Tucson. Everyone knows everyone here and it makes it hard to have any sort of clean start with anyone.

So for now I wait... something I really don't mind doing.